Feisty McArgumentative Pays a Visit to Moss
—I’m Feisty McArgumentative, always ready to wade into linguistic fisticuffs. I am your embarrassment and your pride and your defender. I have your best interests in mind.
—That’s nice, Feisty. Thanks for swinging by.
—Swinging by nuttin’. I’m a permanent resident of your head. I’m part of your mental hardware. Mostly I’m fast asleep but feel free to call on me whenever you need my services.
—I think I’m all set for the moment, Feisty.
—Are you sure?
—Nothing bugging you right now? Unfair billing? Yelled at by porters? Lost your keys? Object to a magazine article? I can write in a letter to the editor that will curl your chest hairs and turn your eyelashes blonde.
—There was a piece last week, actually, that kind of annoyed me.
—Let me at it!
—It was about the fate of the letterpress in the age of computing.
—It took an overly luddite posish. My feeling is, the letterpress can still be a viable source of inspiration and income, given proper exposure.
—So I was thinking, Mr. McArgumentative—or Feisty, can I call you Feisty?—I was thinking this might be something you could help me with. A letter to the editor. What do you say? A knockout punch—elegant and potent and impeccably reasoned.
—Yes, well, it sounds like something you need to work out with a professional.
—You mean a therapist?
—Someone like that, yes. I think that would be best.
—Can you give me a referral?
—There is a rather good Brentian analyst on West 14th, just by the Victual Building. She’s rather expensive, though I daresay she’s worth it. How are the funds these days?
—Never been better. Just scraping by. Story of my life.
—Tell it to this Brentian. She’ll screw your head back on the right way. You’ll come out smelling like a rose.
—Ah, Feisty. This is terrific.
—Famous last words.